A/N: This is my first time writing something dark. With the support of Sushinegal3, 22blue, ParismyLove, and Skeezon who’ve all cheered me on, I’m posting something way out of character for me and I really hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know if I’m doing this okay.
Soundtrack: Music was especially important while I’ve been writing and how this story was inspired. I will be adding music to the playlist as I post here: http://tinyurl.com/tornfic Music teasers will be put up a few days prior to when I post the new chapter.
Martyr
Bella is gone.
I am too late, and she is gone. I hate myself for failing her in the most ultimate way. I hate that I will never get the chance to beg her forgiveness. I can never again tell her how her laughter calls to my heart or how much I love to hold her warm body in my arms and feel the rhythm of her heart against me. Her heartbeat, the most significant sound.... is gone. She is gone.
I could have taken her and made her my mate. My first instinct is to drain her, but once I learned about her, got to know who she was, my very being was changed. And it is very difficult to change a vampire. I knew I would never be the same once Isabella Swan entered my existence. And now my existence is gone.
I remember making the decision to leave my family, to track and hunt, and kill. It was made as soon as I saw him within Alice’s vision carrying away my beloved’s limp body. Her red-brown hair cascading over his arms like a veil- her once warm, chocolate eyes devoid of life- the pink lips that I longed for parted, but with no breath. I heard him say he’ll never give back her corpse, that I would never get closure. The sick bastard thought it would be funny to go back to Forks some day and see if he could terrorize her family. His thoughts rest for a moment on Victoria then he is fraught with images of his happiness over my misery and rubbing the pain of losing her into my face again and again. He beams at the thought of having an eternity to boast his victory over the Cullens.
I could vividly see through my sister’s mind that I was too late and that he had drained her, pale and cold and the spark that once lit my soul had gone out with her life. Because I could not read her mind, I would never know what her last thoughts were. Regret pierces my thoughts, I wish I had asked her more often what she was thinking. I feel like I took my love for granted. I was not close enough to read his mind, but Alice is close enough behind me and we are so attuned that I could see it all in her mind. My beautiful Bella hoping to die to save those she loved. So selfless, until the end all she wanted was to keep others safe, including me. This thought guts me through the heart.
Remembering the prideful, sated look on his face as he gripped her lifeless body with his disgusting hands caused my non-existent blood to boil harder. I was revolted by the visions in his mind. My life is over anyhow. Without her, I have nothing. She was my everything; the blood that kept me alive, the beat within my heart, and the reason I began to believe that I had a soul. With her unending, unwavering adoration, I truly felt like I was no longer a soul-less monster. She gave me a soul.
Without the embodiment of my heart, the world has become the blackest tomb. I want revenge. It is the only thing keeping me from sacrificing myself to the Volturi wrath, giving myself an easy death. Bella told me to let it go in her letter, but who just lets go of the one part of their existence that is worth anything? Who can let the person who took your life away go on with no repercussions? Part of me would like to still be the man in love with Bella, but I cannot be him without her. No matter how angry Bella would be at my choices now... she’s not here. So he will pay.
I immediately turned near the ballet studio where my life ended with Bella’s and started tracking James. He is quick, but I could track him. At some point I crossed a path, somewhere in Nevada, he is with another vampire, a familiar vampire, but I couldn’t tell who. Not his mate, Victoria, this is a male. Then they separated after a few miles.
I continue on, chasing James. I have no time to deal with anyone who associated with him unless I come across that flame-haired wench, Victoria. I will kill her just as readily as I will kill James. I know I will enjoy annihilating his mate as he did mine.
Some of the feelings inside me are concerning, the desire to kill especially, but I don’t care. I feel horribly for abandoning my family, becoming a shell of who they expected me to be. Alice saw my decisions; they all try in their own way to stop me. Carlisle calls my cell phone horrified at what I am sure Alice had told him and asks me to stay with them. Esme cries out behind him and yells for me to stay with the family. Emmett calls as well, he asks to join me, but I can hear as Rosalie begs him to stay with her. Alice calls repeatedly and apologizes over and over for not seeing it sooner and not keeping a closer eye on her. I try to explain that this is my fight.
“No!” Alice screams through the phone. “This is just as much my fault, and I want to help. Please Edward. Don’t do this alone.” Her voice quiets. “I loved her too, Edward.”
I imagine Jasper by her side pushing his calm toward his beloved mate, ebbing and flowing, back and forth like a rough tide pushing against the sadness within her. It absolutely wrecks me to hear her talk this way. It is no one’s responsibility but mine. Alice knows me better than anyone. She takes a deep breath then, and I can feel that she knows my heart is gone.
“They’re still split, but she’s trying to meet with him. They are heading toward Canada, I think,” she whispers in a broken voice. I quickly say good-bye and end the call before I can regret my decision.
My last conversation with any of them is with Carlisle, “Please son, can we do this together?” What did he want? He wanted to go with me to hell?
“Carlisle, this is my fight.” I speak quietly feeling a seething black rage that boils inside me like a volcano awaiting its moment of violence and destruction.
“I understand that, but we are your family. Bella is our family too.” My heart stirs and twists painfully at his words. "Let us help you. Let us figure out a way for you to avenge your Bella, but in a way where we won’t lose you as well. Please, Edward.”
I sigh heavily feeling his words “your Bella” strike across my dead heart. I want to be lost as long as James dies first.
“I can’t put you in danger, you know that. And I don’t know if I will come back, Carlisle.”
Soon I hear Esme beg into the phone, “You will stay with us, we will do this together. Then, after we take them apart and keep them from menacing others, you can make your decision. We need to do this together! We owe it to you to help, my son.”
“You owe nothing!” I shout at my parents. “This is my fault. Mine alone. I will do this on my own. Go live your lives and be happy, please.” I grimace as Esme makes an almost human sobbing noise before I end the call.
If I didn’t know better, I would think she were creating tears with her cries. But even though it shatters me more to hear my family in pain over my decisions, I know that I am no longer the brother and son they loved and cared for and that is more than I can bear. I will not bring my diseased and corrupted soul into their lives again.
As I make my way tracking James, my thoughts turn back to my family. I think about how I hope they go back to Forks, help Charlie, and find a way to give him peace. My mantra over and over in my mind is- This is my fight. Mine alone. They will pay. I know my family will be okay eventually. They each have someone; they each have the other piece of their soul. They got along fine without me once, and they will again.
James and his mate will be finished before they realize. They will pay for killing my Bella; they will be destroyed, just as they destroyed me.
I text Jasper after he also tries his hand at retrieving me via phone calls and also apologizes for not doing more, but I am beyond apologies. I ask him to take care of the family and to tell Alice I do not blame her. I throw my phone into a large lake I pass somewhere in the Northern California area. Knowing what my plan is, I will not need my family. I need to do this alone.
I will track the Nomads. I will find them and James will pay.
I will kill James’ mate.
Eye for an eye.
Mate for mate.
Slowly, he will feel the pain I feel.
His mate will die in agony.
Then he will join her.
And I will be rejoined with my soul.
E/N: Thank you for reading. I hope you will review and let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I own the new Hex Hall book- Demon Glass, a rotten dog who is nesting and rutting in my new blanket, and a glass full of orange juice and vanilla vodka… I do not however own anything The Meyer has rights on! Really. Don’t narc to Summit. ;)
PS- Happy Birthday, Kristen :)
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