April 19, 2011

Torn Chapter 3: Tracking


When the sun begins to rise, I’m nearing the Pacific Northwest and I catch the trail of Victoria. She’s heading north as well. After hearing from Alice that they were heading north, I had thought the female was going to try to go after Charlie, but it seems she’s changed her mind. Eventually she will go to James, so I stalk her into Canada.

I hoped that Alice would not be tracking me or James and Victoria. I did not want them showing up, but I knew there was no way she’d let me fly blind and that’s why I threw my phone to its death. I just wanted to break away and be on my own.

No baggage, no team, no casualties.

Nothing, but myself.

I knew it would be hard to find the Nomads, but I didn’t care how long it took before I killed Victoria and James. It will happen even if I spent a life time or two achieving his demise and relished in having him know I killed his other half as well as him. It would happen at my hand. I had no care of my own empty shell. I am of no consequence without my soul, my Bella. Where once I had a beautiful heart with brown eyes and a quick wit, there was now a pit of hellish black rage.

Every time I thought of their deaths, I would picture my Bella. Her beautiful eyes shining into mine with such love and acceptance, how her hands felt against my skin, warming my icy exterior, how she always saw the best in me, even when I didn’t see anything good within myself.

She loved me no matter how damaged I was, how dark my past, or how evil and corrupt I thought my soul had become.

And she was taken from me by him. He laughed at the thought of her demise and he created a new world for me where I did not have my soul. Without her, I was no more than a feral animal awaiting the kill, my base instincts that I had tried for decades to destroy were coming to the surface.

The only purpose I served now was for the eradication of James and Victoria. My thoughts were determined and clear. They would be destroyed. I didn’t care if I died in the process. If I did not die while they did, then I’d think about contingency plans. I won’t live in a world without Bella. I am merely postponing the inevitable until I can avenge her. She may have wanted me to let it go, but I cannot let her go, I won’t let her go.

I start to feel weak somewhere in Canada. By the look of the trees, I am somewhere in Southern Canada near the United States border.

I launch myself up into a tree climbing as far as I can go without breaking the tree. Several birds shoot out of the branches, startled and screeching. I hear rather than see a large herd of elk. I feel pangs of thirst creeping up my throat, chaffing my lungs and esophagus. Leaping up off the branch, I use the trees between me and an elk herd to guide myself toward them. Dinner for myself is an older male who recently shed his points.

The entire time I feed guilt pulses within me for eating, for sustaining myself. I feel guilty for nourishing myself and doing something that feels good. If my Bella could no longer be nourished, why should I?

With each suck drawing the life away from this animal, my thoughts drift to my sweet Bella. I imagine her beautiful smile and how she loved to make me laugh. I picture her kind eyes, never filled with judgment even when I told her about how I had killed humans in my past.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper into the quiet, dense flora as I push the drained carcass away from me.
My thoughts are suddenly on Alice, knowing that she’s watching my decisions. I know she is hurting from seeing Bella’s death much like me. She was running to catch up to me when she saw the vision, James’ decision to murder my Bella.

Alice’s heart is broken. She still has her heart though. He’s holding her in his arms and slowly her heart will heal and she will move on. Her heart will heal. Mine will not.

“Let me go, Alice.” I say knowing she’ll see.

Trying my hand at tracking again, I think that Victoria has chosen to go North. She’s running fast and I might get lucky if they stop to meet up.

Continuing my pursuit, I try to keep my mind on the trail of the Nomads, but my mind drifts and it’s infuriating. I keep thinking about my life before Bella. How empty I was and how worthless I felt. Those feelings are all returning.

The period I was away from the Cullens was a dark, angry, vicious time and I could feel myself reverting back to that mindframe, that feeling inside me. I was ashamed of what I had been before, but the shame was lessening as I hunted the Nomads.

No longer was I interested in protecting myself or my family and I had no desires to return to Forks.

As this thought passes through my subconscious I catch a familiar scent. A warm, thrumming sound stops me in my tracks. Recently having fed, I should not be thirsty, but I can feel a rumbling in my chest as I track this sweet aroma and small noise in the distance.

I push toward it and sense another beating joining. I can now hear the two heartbeats nearly in sync, possibly bears or large cats I muse. The sweet, familiar smells burn my nose and cause venom to drip down my throat. I begin to hear their thoughts. They are not bears, but people. Young people.

I keep moving forward. There is a man, he’s arguing with a tent. There is also a woman, she’s reading in a chair near a small fire. She’s reading Jane Eyre and very disappointed with Mr. Rochester.

Stalking closer, unheard, I begin to ponder how quick and easy it would be and how delicious it might taste to take the man and woman out. Neither would know what happened, they’d be drained and gone and no one would know. They are far away from others, they must’ve hiked into the area quite a ways. I hear no other thoughts, so I know they are alone.

There was a small part of me nagging that I should walk away, but this new part, the deeper, darker predator part of me wants to watch them, stalk them. I sit down near the base of a large tree and focus in on their thoughts and conversation. My mind flickers between their inane conversation about cooking food on a stick and thoughts of wanting something from them. Something I had stopped craving decades ago. This thought confounds and scares me. I know I should care, but I really don’t care anymore.

“Babe, tent’s up!” The man yells happily, very proud of his accomplishment.

Jumping up, she swirls the air around her and it soon reaches me as she’s hugging her beau. A growl I was not expecting draws from me, almost startling me.

“What was that?” The girl asks with fear now mingling in her sweet scent, adrenaline pushing out of her pores. My mouth begins to pool with venom even more. I picture in my mind grasping her and pulling her neck to my mouth, sucking the slick, salty fluid from her veins.

“I didn’t hear anything... you gettin’ scared, eh?” He mocks her. I hear her slap his arm and move toward the treeline. He would be easy to render useless so I could take her.

“I thought I heard a rumbling. Are there wild cats out here?”

“Could be. We’re pretty far out. It’s too late in the season for bears. Just stay close. If it’s a cat, they’ll get spooked if we keep talking and if we make the fire bigger. Grab those logs over there and we’ll build the fire up. Anything out there is more afraid of us than we are of them.” He sounds so confident, so naive to the danger he’s put his mate in. He cannot protect his love.

I can tell the girl is scared, but she trusts her guide and follows directions. As she heads to the blocks of wood at the edge of their clearing, she moves to just feet from where I am. I can smell the heat of her skin, the sweet crimson fluid moving just below the surface. Her pulse is steady, a bit fast from trepidation, her heart thudding inside her chest. The beautiful sound that usually had me content while sitting with Bella, now had me salivating.

As she stops to pick up the cut wood, her head dips down and I can see her perfectly. She has a long, slender neck, slight shoulders, a rather petite frame, but a good amount of curve. I swallow another mouthful of venom down my burning throat.

Long, brown waves of hair slide over her pale shoulders and cover her face as she stretches for the firewood. The tendrils shine a bit in the light from the rays filtering through the canopy of trees. I feel my body reacting to her proximity, my muscles coiled and taught, ready for the pursuit. It would be an easy catch. No fight would ensue, it would be nothing to take her down and feed from her. She drops one of her pieces so she kneels down, brushing her long hair out of her eyes as she huffs in frustration of her uncoordination.

Her eyes. Warm, bright brown eyes.

My non-existent heart seizes up and I crouch lower just staring at her. She is a few years older than my Bella, but the likeness is enough to snap me from my prey-driven fog. The dark hair and matching eyes, the pale, soft skin and sweet smell causes me to breath in deeply. I watch, frozen with my own fear and self-hatred gazing at her delicate fingers gripping her firewood and mumbling to herself. I sit completely agape, every muscle and tendon taught and coiled, as she finally grasps her bundle and hurries back to her camp and her love.

With not a moment of hesitation I take off in a fast sprint. I head back the way I came, pushing myself harder and harder until I am miles from the campsite, miles from the couple in love, miles from the beautiful, brown-haired girl with eyes similar to my soul’s.

I finally come to a stop when it is dark and I throw myself into another large tree, grasping to a limb as though it will hold me and keep me at bay. I let out a strangled yell and slam my hand against a thick branch in front of me, snapping it off completely at the tree and watching as if falls far below to the ground.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I growl out to no one but the tree and my angry conscience. How could I have even contemplated killing. Taking their lives, her life. I would be nothing better than the Nomads. But I wanted her. I wanted to feed from her.

I reign in my self-loathing lecture and try to regain some of my focus. As the monster that I am, I cannot allow myself to get close to humans again. My focus must remain on James and Victoria. Then I will go to Italy and ask for death for killing the Nomads out of revenge. If they won’t kill me for my grievous offense, then I’ll force their hand.

I will be dead and, although undeserved, I will have some peace..

After I have my revenge.

E/N: Thank you again for sticking with me. The inner turmoil is tough, but it’s such a big part of this story. Thank you to all of you who have been recommending and reviewing! The response has been overwhelming and I am so appreciative! I am putting teasers on my site www (dot) theraingirl4 (dot) blogspot (dot) com and you can find the music teasers there as well.
Disclaimer: Of course I own nothing if you recognize it. I do however have pics of Robsten kisses that make my heart go pitter pat and a beautiful new niece from SuperstarNanna who gave birth yesterday. Slashybaby is gorgeous and I plan on spoiling her rotten.
Will update nearer to the weekend. Thank you again for reading!


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