A/N- Firstly, Thank you so incredibly much to whomever nominated Torn for the Gem Awards. I don’t know what to say, but THANK YOU! Here’s the link for the nominations, lots of great stories to check out! gemawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2011/05/onyx-round-is-open-for-voting(dot)html
Disclaimer: I own nothing if you recognize it, that’s all The SMeyer.
More at the bottom!
Destruction
Cold, wet air pushing around my hair and neck brings my mind up to the surface. My body is thrumming with the pounding pains in my head.
***
I’m running, but I’m not. I know my muscles aren’t moving, but I know I’m going forward because I can feel the movement around me. When I try to focus on what’s going on around me, a searing pain ricochets through my head and thankfully, blackness takes me again.
***
“Edward! What’s happened?” A man’s voice jars me from my stupor. The black nothing was nice because if I were in the abyss, I was not in pain. Now the pain is back, ebbing and surging through my mind.
“Bella?” I hear several familiar voices and I pray for the blackness to take me again away from all the yelling and commotion. “Bella’s alive? How is that possible?”
Every movement. Every single move they make with my body is registered in stinging lances through my head.
“She’s been changed? How- how is this possible?” The yelling causes white light to mix with the blackness. It hurts. My muscles are tight, knotted together, nothing I do will release the pain and stiffness. It’s like my body is angry.
“I’ll explain later. Please, she’s ingested another’s venom and drug-laced blood. Help her, please!”
My body is rested on something, something soft. I try to speak but nothing comes out and I can see only black. As I try to move the pain comes back again with a vengeance rendering me incapacitated. Paralyzed by agony, yet again.
***
Someone is caressing and brushing my hair... a soft feel across my forehead. Warm wetness drips a bit on my face, but the sensation is too much, I pray for it to stop. There is a humming inside my head, almost like a vibration. It’s rattling slowly down my spine and makes me want to run, run from the creeping feeling up and down my body.
“Give her time, Edward.” The soft, feminine voice slows the march along my body. I try to focus on the feeling that I know her.
“What am I going to do, Esme? I can’t lose her again. I hate seeing her in pain; I hated seeing her with him. God, just thinking about him touching her makes me volatile. It’s sickening.” Hearing his voice, laced with anger, makes my body tense up. As soon as they’re quiet, the stinging pains creep back up along my body like something crawling along every piece of skin they can find. Thankfully, the blackness comes again to take me.
***
“She’s coming back again.” A soft, deep voice I remember continues, “Edward, stay back. Just let her have a moment. I need to examine her when she’s conscious.”
Growling. I hear growling. I need to protect myself, but my body won’t move. Trying to focus on what has happened to me, I can see James in my mind, defending me against Edward, but I also remember that while part of me was terrified of the fighting and the noise, there was also a part of me that hoped Edward would kill James. And that I would be rid of James’ control and dominance.
“Bella, dear. Can you understand me? Can you open your eyes for me, please?”
I know this voice. He can help me. I know this. But my eyes won’t open. My head hurts so much.
“I think she’s out again.” Silence then a long sigh. I try to pay attention to the men speaking, hoping they’ll explain what’s wrong. Hoping they’ll put me out of my misery. “Tell me, Carlisle. What’s happening to her?”
“I can only think that something like what humans get- blood poisoning, something similar to that because of the venom and also she’s going through what seem to be withdrawals. She was feeding on humans daily, you said?” I want to feed now. “All the time, whenever she wanted?”
Silence. Please let them leave me to die if they won’t feed me.
“If she was feeding that often, she became dependent on it with those newborn urges. You remember what it was like? Imagine if I’d given in to your every urge at that time? For an impressionable newborn, her humanity stuck in the back of her mind and all that bloodlust being fed over and over, you can imagine the neurological pathways that were built, Edward. Now her body is breaking down.”
Shut up and kill me.
“I don’t smell drugs in her system any longer.”
“No, they’ve finally burned off, but that was not good for her either. Our systems burn drugs fast, but they can still have an effect us. The venom from Victoria is still in her system though...” God, the pain is so intense. And all these two can do is fucking chat! “...battling with her own. I’ve never heard of a case where a vampire, even a newborn, has tried to feed on a changing human. Only time will tell what has happened inside her. That may be why her mind has shut down. We need to feed her, she’s definitely weak.”
“We can’t shove it down her throat, Carlisle, you could kill her.”
“She’s not human, Edward, but I do understand the dangers of forcing her, but if she is unable to feed herself, I must find a way to keep her from weakening to the point of losing her. You know this.”
When cool hands land on my face, the shock of the touch rocks through my entire body, every nerve ending electrified. It hurts so much my mind shuts down and I’m back into the abyss.
***
Burning.
I’m burning.
Why won’t they just kill me?
As I come in and out of my mind, I hear them speaking about me. About my James. Victoria. The boy who tasted badly. There is a voice I recognize most of all within the familiar ones floating around my head... the one that belong to the angry, gold eyes. Edward.
“Did Carlisle say there was any change?”
“He said he thinks the worst of the drugs are out of her system but that she’s got some kind of coma or brain injury-type reaction to the venom in her system. It doesn’t seem to be damaging her physically, but it’s caused some kind of reaction in her brain.”
Why can’t they just put me out of this misery?
“Please?”
“Esme! Did she just say something?”
The pain is so intense. It steals my ability to think about anything but ending the pain. “Kill me.”
“Oh god, Edward.”
“No, no one will kill you. We’re going to help you, Bella. Calm down. We’ll help you. I prom-” I don’t get to hear the end of his sentence. I’m lost again to the darkness.
***
“You need to feed.”
“I’m aware of that fact, Jasper. I’m not an idiot.”
“No, you aren’t. You are hovering though.”
“I want to be here when she wakes up. It’s been weeks.”
“Her body is healing. I can feel the calm that comes over her as she’s unconscious. She only gets upset, like now... she’s panicking as her consciousness comes back and she hears us.”
“Bella? Come back to me. Please, come back to me.” His voice is filled with concern. Why does he want me back? Why can’t I just be gone? It hurts to be awake.
“She’s panicking too much, there’s too much stress. I need to calm her. Carlisle said we can’t rush her, Edward.” I feel my body loosen and relax, like a blanket of peaceful fog lying across me. “She’s calming again.”
***
“Edward, we need a different approach, son.”
“What do you want to try now? We are all reading to her, moving her limbs, talking to her, nothing is helping. She doesn’t respond to stimuli.”
“We need to take into account how weak her body is getting and the lack of change in her consciousness. What if we revisit the idea of trying to feed her?” I want to feed. The burning is getting worse. Almost more painful than the headaches. “If we allow her to feed, the scent, the drive... it could bring her back again. We could give her enough to satiate her. It might be the jump start she needs.”
“How do we do this without her freaking out? I’m not bringing her a human. I don’t like the idea of stealing blood from the blood bank in such a small town. And I won’t let you force feed her, Carlisle.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I spoke with Emmett; he is willing to go catch something for her.” Catch something? “We can move her to the patio or the garage, somewhere safe with all of us on alert, but still allow her to have her instincts. To feed her needs, Edward. To give her back some control over this situation. It might snap her out of this catatonia.”
There is no noise for a long time and then I hear the beautiful voice, so close. “Bella... we’ll take care of this. I promise you we’ll make it better.”
His voice is so kind. I want to touch him... to see he’s real. I hear his promises. I want them to be true. I try to relax my body and allow myself to come up from the darkness, to move toward the safety of his voice, but my mind doesn’t let me. It’s such a conflict within me. I can see James’ face and hear him telling me that Edward is dangerous. In my mind, I relive the feedings with James and Victoria, my hunger pangs growing stronger. I feel James’ touch as he reminds me that he is my liaison and my keeper. He said he was training me, as my maker, he said he had to make me into his perfect mate. I wanted to please him. He kept me safe, fed, happy, and all I needed to do was follow his lead.
Although James absolutely terrified me with his anger and violence, he also kept me alive. I remember him praising me with “good girl” and “that’s my pet” when I behaved as he wanted and then he would give me what I wanted. He always rewarded me for helping track and take down humans. He never lied to me, did he? If he said to do something, I did it. If I didn’t, he punished me and I went hungry or untouched. When I did as I was asked, I was always given what I needed and craved from him. He would often let me seek out attentions from him or Victoria. Even though he would often threaten to take my food away if I didn’t follow him explicitly, he would also make me feel good with compliments and pleasure. If James hated me, wouldn’t he have already killed me?
***
Blood.
Before I know what’s happening, I’m drinking. My vision is hazy, like looking through a fogged window, but I can taste. Warm, sweet and salty, hints of metal and earth mix within the liquid gold as it flows down my throat. It’s not perfect, but it calms the burn. The pains lashing at my head are eased, but not gone.
Empty.
“More.”
“Fuck yea! Our girl’s got an appetite!” The shout causes me to bear down into a crouch taking inventory of the indistinct figures surrounding me. At least five vampires.
“Easy.” The calming, golden voice. “It’s okay. No one will take it from you.”
“More.” My voice is husky and rough. I try to look for more, but my eyes are so blurred I cannot and I don’t smell any more fresh blood.
“Emmett.” The tall, soft-spoken man speaks firmly, “Son, focus! Go get the other one. Good planning ahead.”
“I knew she’d be a predator.” I see the outlines of the three men. One leaving, the other two stand near me. Pushing the body off of me. It’s furry. What’s happening to me? Why can’t I see well?
They are all just staring at me. I see the outlines of people around me. Some farther away so they are just shadows, some closer, I can smell them all though. Sweet, almost too sweet.
Edward leans forward. “Shh. It’s okay. Emmett will be right back with another.”
“Get away from me. Don’t hurt me!” The panic is rising and pushing through my body. He abandoned you. He wants to hurt you. Don’t let him take you away.
I have to get away.
Scrambling to my feet, I lunge toward where the large, happy one disappeared.
“Bella, you have to stay here. Emmett will be right back. Carlisle, do something! Where’s Jasper?”
“I’m trying, she’s very panicked, she’s throwing off some serious fear. She’s terrified, Edward, and it’s hard to get through.”
“Are you hungry, Bella?” The fatherly one asks, “Do you want to feed?” The room has no windows. It smells of oils and chemicals and the stench burns my nose. I do want to feed, but not on anything in here. My vision is still so fuzzy; I can see the outline of those holding me here.
I contemplate taking them all on to escape when I hear growling and then the large one appears with a massive, snarling beast. A mountain lion? He throws it from the door over the two in front of me. Before the cat has a chance to recover, he’s down.
So good.
I drink and drink until I can no longer feel the burn and I no longer care who is staring at me.
***
“Come with me and we’ll get you cleaned up, okay?”
The little one, Alice’s hand brushes along the tangles of my hair. Her motions remind me of Victoria, calming me with just a stroke of her hand or touch of her lips. Leaning forward into her, my body reacts before my mind has a chance to fear her.
“Come along. Would you like to wash? You’ve gotta feel pretty grimy?” Her questions bring to my attention the dirt under my fingernails, the blood stains along my jeans, the mud and blood caked on my skin.
I feel... ashamed? Visions of blood and death circle my head. Where before I would want physical rewards after feeding, now I feel empty. Normally, James would want me to help him with getting the food, corralling the humans and then we would enjoy each other or I would watch James and Victoria together. I do not desire that now. “What’s happened to me?”
“Bella, it will be okay. We’ll get you clean. I promise.” Her soft, reassuring words calm me, not only with the promise of a clean body, but maybe a way to clean my mind too.
The room she brings me to is expansive to say the least. My scattered thoughts take in my surroundings. Clean white walls and furniture, save for a massive black wrought iron bed dressed in soft looking white linens, scents of lemons and sweet warmth fill my senses. I recognize the smell of Alice, she very unassuming, I’m sure she could be a threat, but she isn’t. I can feel that she isn’t a danger to me. She leads me to a very large, open bathroom and starts a bath for me.
“I’ll go find you something to wear and we can burn what you’re wearing.” Her smile with her words elicits a smile of my own. While Victoria constantly belittled me and antagonized me, Alice seems to really want to be nice to me... she seems to have my best interests at heart which is surprising, but familiar at the same time.
Vanilla. The smell of warmth and sweet runs through me. A vision of a beautiful dark-haired woman smiling at me as she places a large bowl of ice cream in front of me. The thought of ice cream causes my stomach to roll uncomfortably, but the smell... the scent causes me to sway a bit and hold onto the towel rack to keep from falling.
Pulling the ratted and bloodied pants from my hips is a relief. I quickly shuck them onto the floor, but as the heat from the bath warms the room, the scent of blood permeates the air. My skin has blood stains and so do my jeans and shirt, even my bra is pink-tinged. My mouth starts to fill with a metallic taste. The pangs of hunger return, my gut twisting a bit.
I think I need to feed. Stumbling out of the bathroom, my feet catch on my discarded clothes. The smell lessens in the open room and I land in a crouch near the bed trying to figure out where I want to go, what I need to do next. My mind is flashing between the sounds of people discussing me downstairs, talking about where to hunt, but I also hear a car outside, and trees moving in the wind. The sound of birds chirping causes me to go to a bay of windows along a wall. As I look out on a large yard that leads to trees, I can see water beyond the trees and there is someone running. I can hear their feet hitting the dirt an octave below the sound of the birds.
Mesmerized, I watch as the man who found me and took me away from James, Edward, comes through the tree line running faster than I’ve ever seen someone move. My eyes track him easily, but I’m still amazed the way his body moves so lithe and graceful, dodging every branch and valley until he reaches the porch of the house and disappears.
“Bella?” I jump a bit. So enthralled with the boy running, I didn’t notice Alice coming back.
“You didn’t bathe?” I look down at my naked body glimmering with light. Being so close to the window is causing sunlight to bounce along my diamond-faceted skin. I turn my dirty hands out in front of me watching the light and colors.
“It is beautiful isn’t it?” I nod without looking away from my skin; my arms, my legs, even my breasts sparkle in the fading light.
“Lovely,” I say with a bit of waver in my voice. My mind is clearing; even if my eyes are still a bit blurry, my mind isn’t as hazy. I can concentrate a bit longer, but I really just want to look at the glittering all around me.
“Let’s get you washed up, then you can change into something more comfortable, okay?” she asks with such a sweet voice, I expect to look up and find her dipped in honey.
“I think no clothes would be the most comfortable,” I murmur turning in the light, looking behind me to see a bit of twinkle on my backside and heels. How marvelous, I’m like a decoration!
“Yes, naked is good, but right now we need you clean, then we can feed you again.”
My body reacts to her words. “I’m thirsty.” Now that she’s said it, the nagging pain in my head throbs a bit, not as badly as before, but I can feel it. The burning in my throat is rising again as well.
“I’m sure you are, Bella. And it’s okay that you are.” Her hand traces along my hair, her fingers getting knotted a bit at the end. “But you need to wash away all the muck. We can start fresh.”
“I would like that.”
“Then let’s go.” She pulls me toward the bathroom; the nearly overflowing tub still smells like the pretty, happy woman in my mind.
As I step into the bath, my mind goes blank. All I can feel is the heat of the water, soothing against my tough skin. The water turns a bit of a dirty pink color the longer I sit, but I don’t move. I wait in the water, watching Alice find some things and come back. She pours something that smells like cookies or candy into her hand. It’s too sweet and my nose burns a bit. She starts rubbing my hair and soon bubbles fall across my face. It still smells too sweet, but it feels good, her fingers scrubbing along my hair and scalp, massaging the sweet scents into me from the top.
She turns on the faucet then uses a sprayer to rinse my hair and then excuses herself as I sit in a mass of cookie-scented bubbles.
A gentle knock at the door interrupts my thoughts on what the bubbles might taste like. “Are you ready to get out and go hunting?” I climb out eagerly and she helps me dry off with huge fluffy towels. She gives me clean, new smelling clothes. Included are tight blue jeans, not very conducive to hunting, and a cream-colored, soft sweater that I keep petting the sleeves while she talks.
I sit on the end of the large bed, my hair being combed by the kind Alice. She’s explaining to me about all the vampires who live in her home. She calls them a family. She tells me of the doctor, Carlisle. I try to remember him from the story she tells of before when he helped me after I hit my head on a red truck. My truck.
She also tells me about Esme, her mother. I ask her if she’s the brown-haired woman from my mind, but she thinks that’s my mother, Renee. When she comes around to telling me about the large, loud one and his maker, Rose, the stunning blonde appears at the doorway.
“How sweet. Alice has a new doll.” Something in her voice causes me body to tighten. “Will you be dressing her up like a Barbie as well, Al?” Her voice sounds ice through my body, tightening every muscle.
“Hush Rose. I want to take care of Bella. She deserves it.”
“She deserves something alright. The world seems to be revolving around her-”
Before I realize what my body is doing, my muscles have contracted and I’ve gone from the bed to the door. My hands land square on her ample chest, tossing her back into a wall, glass and wood splintering around us. I hear Alice calling for us to stop, calling the doctor and the others.
Even though I can hear them asking me to stop, I cannot. My body wants retribution for her words. She was spiteful to someone who has been kind. And something tells me that in my past, her spite and anger have always played a role.
We tumble and roll, pushing against each other. Her nails dig into my skin, burning pleasure. It feels good to feel. I grasp at her hair and try to maneuver myself around her curves. She has plenty of muscle and long legs and arms. She’s quite beautiful, like the trapped lion. I quickly gain the upper hand and straddle her, pinning her arms above her head onto the wood floor, her feet and legs still flailing about like a dying animal.
I hear in the distance people yelling my name, but I don’t care. I must take control of this threat.
“You are mine now,” I say harshly.
“Fuck off, little girl.” I grip her by the shoulders and slam her head into the wood floor cracking it underneath her.
Her voice reminds me of Victoria and combined with her wriggling and writhing beneath me, something inside me stirs. Victoria liked when we would fight then make up, though something tells me Rosalie would not be as receptive as Victoria. Her curses and threats create a red hot streak through me and hearing her say that I’m pathetic and worthless only aggravates me further to the point of putting my hands against her throat and tightening.
As I lean into her I hear Edward. “Bella, stop.”
My head volleys in his direction without command from me and seeing him so crestfallen and angry doesn’t make me want to run. It makes me want to do something. To apologize. I don’t like seeing him in pain, especially because of my actions. Crawling off of Rosalie, I make my way on all fours to where Edward is standing. I hear behind me as Emmett scoops his mate up off the floor and makes a comment about the rising temperature. There is a loud smack and a door closing, but I try to focus on myself, my body, the man in front of me that won’t meet my eyes. Soon he turns and walks away from me. It feels as though he’s taking a part of me with him and that terrifies me even more.
Dr. Cullen comes from behind me and crouches down to me. “Isabella, would you like to go hunting, dear?”
Instantly, I want what he has for me. I would often have to repay James for giving me food, as “a good pet should”, so I lean into him but he steps away. “You and I, Edward and Esme, and Jasper and Alice, we will all go hunting.”
I nod, not sure what to do with my body, my eyes, or my head.
They lead me out of the house, all of us walking together. It feels safe being with them. Sometimes I didn’t feel safe with Victoria and James. There is something different about these ones. They are not asking me to do anything; they’ve not told me a plan to trap the humans.
When I question the copper-haired woman, who has asked me to call her Esme, she sweetly reminds me that we won’t be hunting humans. I pout a bit at the thought of drinking more moose.
I hear a chuckle from behind me. Looking back I find Alice’s Jasper. He’s very calming, soothing to look at... almost like a painting of a beautiful ocean scape or a calm piece of music.
“How ‘bout we find you another mountain lion, Bella?” he asks, just a hint of an accent coloring his peaceful, happy words. I am not sure I want a mountain lion, but the way he asks makes me want one. I can’t help but smile when the side of his mouth grins.
Edward calls out that there is a pack of large timber wolves entering the forest where we’ve run to and he explains how we’ll take one each, no more. It’s a large pack, but he explains if we take too many, we’ll destroy the group. James never allowed survivors. Looking at him curiously, again he reminds me we take what we need and no more. I’ve heard him say this twice since we’ve been running and hunting. I nod and he smiles slightly. I like seeing him smile.
After each of us have taken a wolf and taken down part of a herd of elk, we begin our travels back toward their home. Alice and Jasper are ahead of all of us talking and laughing. Their sounds make my body relax as I run. Esme and Edward are behind me, speaking in low tones I can register occasionally if I try. Carlisle is a few strides ahead encouraging me to keep pace. I focus on the pound of my feet against the dirt. Alice gave me sandals to wear, but I refused and now I run barefooted and I like it very much.
I hear Edward call my name, but I ignore the sounds. I have only one focus.
Blood.
I stop instantly as the message reaches my brain. Turning quickly I follow my instincts and throw myself toward the scent that promises me at least two people.
Behind me I hear the group realize what’s happened and some are arguing about why they didn’t sense the people. They are trying to catch me, but I’m very fast. I’m about a mile away from my prey when I’m thrown into a tree, the loud crack startling me more than the feeling of my body breaking the wood.
“Mine!” I snarl, unsure of who attacked me.
“No, Bella!” Edward has me pinned down. “You can’t kill them. They’re little kids. You can’t hurt them, Bella. That’s not you!”
I lash out, trying to do anything. “Fuck you! I can have them!” Anything to get me away from those angry, gold eyes. Anything to get me to the luscious scent in my nose.
“No. You are not them; do not let them take you. You can fight this!”
“Get off me, Edward! They’re mine to take. They’re just humans!” James’ words echo in my head.
“This is not you. This is not my Bella, my mate. Please stop!” His cries are agony to my ears and heart, like a knife piercing everywhere. He abandoned you. He doesn’t want a monster. He only wanted you when you were a human.
“I am not your mate!” I scream at him, but his grip is relentless. I finally look into his eyes and I’m shocked what I find swimming in those blackened eyes. It hurts in my gut seeing his pain.
My body sags against the tree, but Edward does not let go. Carlisle and Esme are near, speaking in muted tones to me, words of calm and kindness. Jasper and Alice look on as my body is lulled, peacefully calmed. I can feel all the bloodlust drip into the soil as though I’m being drained.
“Take her back to the house,” I hear Edward spit out as he turns away from me and the others carry me back.
My last thought before I black out into a calm sea of darkness is, “I’m sorry, Edward.”
***
“I’ve made him abandon me again. I made him leave and I don’t know why.” When I wake from the “calming” as Alice calls it, I want to find Edward. I want to find him and beg his forgiveness, grovel at his feet, and make him tell me how to make him happy, how to please him. Alice says he has gone hunting with Emmett and Rose. Just the mention of her name raises alarms in my head.
“Don’t worry. After Edward came back, he gave Rose quite the tongue-lashing about her behavior. Of course she pouted, but she’s over it. Plus, what you did with her got Emmett quite interested.” She is smiling, joking with me. I wish I could laugh, but all I can think about is James and Edward. My maker? My mate? Both gone. I have nothing.
“He was my maker too, Bella.” I nearly miss her speaking as the battle in my head wages on.
Confounded, I question, “James was your mate?”
“No, Jasper is my mate. James apparently made me a vampire, though. Like you. It was a long time ago. I was sick.”
“Why were you not with him if he was your maker?”
“I was in a hospital. I was locked away during my change. We don’t have to stay with our makers. James lied to you, Bella.”
“James said that pets must submit and serve their maker.”
“He lied, Bella. While it’s true there is a bond between a vampire and their liaison, it’s not an unbreakable bond like a mate. James wanted to keep you. Have you serve him and Victoria. He lied to you, though. He tricked you and used you.” Her voice is so sad, but part of me wants to defend James. He did take care of me. He did keep me from dying or starving.
Sitting up, I say, “I wanted to stay with him. He helped me hunt.”
“You wanted to stay because he fed your bloodlust and that’s what newborns want. But you don’t have to hunt humans, Bella. Remember what Edward and Carlisle told you about eating animals? Remember the wolves? The bear? And the lions?”
I nod. Draining the wolves and the bear was good. I liked the lions too. Not like hikers or campers though.
“You can do that again. You can drink from animals whenever you want. You won’t be thirsty here, I promise. We don’t hurt people. We live with humans and we take care of them. That’s how we met you, Bella... when you were a human, Edward kept you safe. We didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I remember you, Alice.”
“You do?”
“Yes, not an actual thing... I just- I just remember that you are kind. You said we were friends?”
“We are friends Bella. You are my sister.”
“Sister? I have a sister?”
“Yes, two. Me and Rose.” The mention of the blonde’s name makes me growl a bit. “We are always here. And you have Edward. He is your mate. He worships you like a mate should. And you have Carlisle and Esme who love you. And Emmett and Jasper too, like brothers.”
“Charlie?” The name I remember from Edward. He said I had a Charlie who loved me.
“Yes, Charlie. He’s your dad. You can’t see him right now. But someday, you will. When you’re better.”
“I want to be better, Alice. I want to be like you. I don’t want Edward to abandon me again.”
“Oh, Bella.” She runs her hand along my cheek and I lean into her touch. “It’s good you want to be better. If you want it... then you will be.”
“I need to make Edward happy.”
“You do make him happy, Bella. He did not abandon you, ever. He’s just scared right now. This whole new Bella is a lot to take in. He never wanted this for you.”
“He never wanted me.”
“No, listen to me, Isabella Marie Swan. He wants you, he will always want you. I think he’s loved you since the moment he saw you at Forks High. But he did not want you to be a vampire like him since he has hated being this way for nearly a hundred years. He just wanted what was best for you. To protect you.”
“Protect?”
“Yes.
“How did I end up with James?”
“He tricked us. We had no idea he had changed you. And while you were with him we couldn’t read his thoughts. Edward went after him to kill him and somehow you were changed and bonded to James when he found you.”
“James was my maker. He kept me safe.”
“No, he didn’t. He used you. Don’t forget that we are your family, Bella. We will always be your family.”
I look deep into her beautiful gold eyes, so similar to Edward’s. “I want those eyes, too.”
“You do have them, Bella.” I need to work on saying things in my head. She walks into the bathroom and brings me a mirror.
When my eyes meet the reflection, I am awed by the flickering glint I find. The hues of yellow and gold, mixed with a fleck of reddish brown here and there are just mesmerizing. I touch the mirror slightly and I hear Alice giggle.
“You are still beautiful.” My head snaps to the door. Edward is standing against the jamb. “I think we need to talk, Bella.”
E/N- Well, she isn’t back to Bella... and Edward certainly has a lot on his mind. What do you think will happen next? Check out the soundtrack for music teaser of Torn 9 and reviews will get a pictease, too!
Hugs and Motorboats to my beta Edward’s Eternal. And 22blue and Sunshinegal3 are both SAINTS for dealing with this chapter. It was a struggle and you both dealt with it and my so well. Bless you both!
Thank you to all of you who are reading and reviewing. I truly appreciate you all!
To my dearest Skeezon, I love you. Things will get better!
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